tough times

bleh. so today was realllly busy. & it was good for most of it, esp my earlier workout was SOO good i was really happy with it.

i guess what brought me down was my second gym trip. i took the on the ball class, & for some reason what i saw in the side mirror really upset me. i am 20 lbs heavier than i was last semester, way more out of shape, & it shows. i feel it. i know im undoing it already, blah blah blah & sooner than i kow it ill be even less & in better shape than last may, but right now im just not and its so sad. i am so disappointed in my situation, and the fact that i brought it upon myself. i did NOT have to gain that much weight this summer. that was my own choice. my decisions. so i cant even go there, ill just get way too upset & stuck in the past. i gotta move forward. & i am! but still. sometimes i cant help it . wallowing. :(

its a good thing im not going home this weekend, i wouldd probably stuff my face & thats soo the opposite of what i need right now.boooooooooo.