now ive got to explain

hey! so christmas break has been crazzzzy! good times but of course hard with the holidays and eating and alcohol etc. well. i think half of the days ive done well and half ive been off the rocker alittle haha. yesterday was a particularly low point. but im back & im just praying i didnt gain 50 billion pounds. and i am working on developing a game plan for this week cause really i cant do this anymore. ive been good today, tomorrow will be like today, new years eve i wont eat much which isnt too hard because i dont think im even going to my aunts, just out in the city. so ill drink but not much eating during the day. obviously gym in the morning. then the next day i am going to my aunts bt i cant get out of control. maybe ill tell myself i can pick one dessert. then the weekend shouldnt be too bad, if i drink i eat less than i would normally, etc. i need to be in control of this & i will be :)

im still trying to decide if i will weigh myself wednesday or just wait for friday or saturday. that might be the best bet, especially if i just drink wednesday & really scale back thursday. but we'll see.

the good thing is i look & feel just as skinny as before the food debauchery. so im figuring the damage cant be too bad.... but sometimes its silent & deadly. also ive been working out like a fiend so at least i can say that about myself lol

shake shake shake your money makkkerrrr!

its finally christmas break! i was so happy but now im kinda blah. i dunno. kind of annoyed for unrelated reasons... then of course i overate. not insane at all but still. just a little bit & i only burned 200 cal at the gym today. it was crazy, its TOM & i had two hours of sleep last night, plus terrible final today and papers to hand in. read: EXCUSES. bleh., well im not gonna get down on myself but i really really hope it doesnt ruin my WI friday. and im thinkng maybe i should go to the gym but im tired & i already took a shower & am in my pjs. ugh

i just gotta make a point to be SUPER in control this break....

IMPORTANTTT

taking my own advice

SO ! i need to get my booty to el gymnasio LIKE now. haha. im just being lazy AS PER USUAL lately! sheesh. i dont know why i get like this after dark. its lammeee and i gotta get my butt into gear if i want good things to come :) i knoww i want to succeed or whatever but im in the weird lull again where its like 1-2 lbs is okay! trying to skate by on whatever energy i can muster up, and its not me, and its not cool!

IM GOING TO THE GYMMMMMM!!

like i mean it ;)

hey noowwww

woo!what a great weekend i had lol. first off i went home on friday and hung out w/ ktb all night, and portioned what i ate & controllled myself! that was awesome. and then yesterday i weighed in at 204.4! i lost 3 lbs last week. i just hope i keep this up! woo!

THATS IT.

thats it. im taking the control back. im not letting one slip up ruin my whole week. after these christmas claymations are over i am going to the gym & im going to work those evil calories off my thighs. the end. no arguments. i know whats best for me, and stuffing my face is SO not it. ONLY YOU HOLD YOU BACK!

submerging... errr

okay sooo ive been ravenous this half of the day... i went to the gym after class, but only burned 600 calories. told myself id go back later. i ate awesome salad, pickles, and then decided i NEEdEd to give into my sweet craving and went to the dining hall & heisted two sugar cookies and some frozen yogurt. so im up to 1875 calories! i KNOW its pretty bad. well . its not like im gaining any weight fromthis but im certainly not really losing any. but the worst part is now that ive semi-blown it in my eyes im seriously considering going to the store and blowing it some more. bleh! im trying to talk myself out of it but at the same time another part of me is talking me into it. uhghh. i know i shouldnt but i want to eat! i just feel like sitting here and eating. UGH. and i guess isnce ive already gone wayy over my normal calorie intake i just feel like there sno reason to hold on. bleh! but i know thats stupid. and i really want to have a good WI. but then im also like well if i eat alot i can always live on jello tomorrow and hit the gym that much harder.... i know its a crock imjust trying to sell myselfbut i want so badly to believe that i can get away with it.

ill let you know if the proverbial shoulder-angel or shoulder-devil wins. BOO

slightly drowning

ugh i feel like crappp right now! i havent gone to the gym yet today and maYbe its affecting my mood too. but yeahhh i dont feel well. and its a nasty day out, and its the last day of classes , and im so unmotivated. also i ate myweight in clementines so im realllly full. :( and i only have like 150 calories left for the entire day cause i just HAd to finish the entire box of clementines. so dumb.

i gotta rally though, if i dont ill just ... ? haha.

hmmmm

so my goal of losing 5 lbs this week may be alittle ambitious lol. im still feeling alittle bit under the weather, its weird. hopefully im working through it. BUT im not saying its impossible. i at least want to be under 205. and i feel like thats doable. i told myself i'd burn 2000 calories today and the first gym visit was awesome & i burned the first half, but then by the time 8 rolled around and it was time for the second go-round, i could barely manage 100 . but i pulled it through and burned 700. sooo my new goal is 1,700 a day. its manageable but still not too much that i faint.

:)

im in control!

okay my goal this week is to lose 5 lbs! 202.4 . it can be done, i KNOW it. i just have to work extreeeemely hard. and put my nose to the grindstone. lol. whatever the ffff that means. well. we know what it means. ANYWAYS. yeah. 5 lbs. boo yah. its happening. hold your breaths. im gonna blow your mind.

i may have overdone it with the coffee . lol. okay im off to the gym shortly, then im gonna do laundry and head over to teh library to spend the rest of the night being educationally productive. i know. crazzzzy. but im determined to rule this week and not let it rule me. im only 3 lbs less than i was this time last year and thats kind of depressing. but its also a reminder that i can backslide into crap if i let myself. and i just cant this time . its not happening. :)

you wonder if you'll ever find yo dreamz

blehhh. this weekend is going to suckkk! im staying up here in boston and ive got nothing to do for the next 48 hours. besides a few gym trips. ugh. i just wish the semester was over, especially because i have no willpower to do ANYTHING resembling work. in fact im in the library now trying to but it aint happening and im not forcing it. BLEHHHH AGAIN.

i just have such a stretch of time ahead of me with nothing to do! i need a hobby in the worst way. and im like... semi-sick. i dunno. its weird. im sorta stuffy and mild cough. and energy is drained. bleh. sooo even the gym is no comfort to me. its like i know i cant make it there longer than an hour so its not an activity like it usually is. usually the gym is the best part of my day, thats my hobby. not when im sick. boo. and im weighing myself tomorrow so i cant even really eat that much today.

jenny & ktb might visit tomorrow but probably not... i almost feel like i should run home even just for a day but i got no money.... BOOoooooOOOOoooo

i can do anything

soo this morning i sneak weighed myself and i was at 210. not too horrible, considering, i have to say. of course, *TMI alert* i havent gone #2 in a day or two and i didnt eat light yesterday, so im probably more like 208. also its only wednesday sooo ive still got three days to make a dent in it! but if im 208 on saturday ill take it. its not terrible. my real goal is to fit into my size 14 jcrew jeans by christmas. i even wrapped them up and everything. :)

plus im staying up in boston this weekend, so i know i wont go crazy at home. no alcohol. i really drank ALOT last week, it was out of control lol. well mostly friday. but yeah im sure thats still in my system. i gotta step up the calorie-burn, i already burned 1050 today so im in a good spot right now. woooo. i just wanna change.