whew!

whew! i am sooo tired right now. im at killington, by myself just skiing for a few days. its kinda cool, just like at school except im on VACATION and i ski instead of go to classes. uhhh, does it get any better?

anyway, what to say... last week i lost 3 pounds, and i hope this week i lose again though idk cause i spent the past 5 days smoking and eating. of course. hah. its pretty awful but whatevr , i have to deal with the things i do.

totally unrelated, i skiied down a double-black diamond today! it was crazyy, i cant believe i just went for it. haha. of course it took me like 10 minutes to get down,and i fell like 3 times and once a woman had to help me put my skis back on (it was so steep i kept sliding down the mountain, even when i was laying down grasping at anything hahah). it was funny though. and i wasnt scared at all. its crazy, i was always SO scared of steepness and speed but its like.. none of that matters anymore, im cool with it. as long as i eventually get down, and its not life-threatening situation. haha. so i feel pretty good about that.

emotionally im a crazy bitch haha. i dunno. yesterday i had another breakdown... which is not here today, bleh. i dont know, i really need to see a therapist, i GET IT haha i just put it off to tackle more important things (at the moment...) i know, whats more important than my mental health. but i guess to me keeping everything together while i fix it is a must. i cant just stop my life to fix a little emotional imbalance. thatd be dumb, and add more problems. ive seen that happen to people... anyway, i should really go study logic. i failed my last quiz. 51. it was good times haha.