ugh

bleh. i guess i should start out with good news, but it might kind of make the rest of my post look whiny and dumb. but we'll risk it. last friday i weighed in at 203.7! whcih was really great. so yay!

okay back to my immediate reason for coming here. today was a bust! i felt horribly fat and exposed all day. okay, mostly at the end of it, when i went to my last class (i also have a semi-crush on this guy in that class, too). i dunno. katie was here for the last three days (her spring break) and i felt like the whole time she had to reassure me that i didnt look like an elephant that escaped from the zoo. obviously i will never buy into someone trying to tell me im thin and fine , or whatever, but ive come so far and i really cant ever feel entirely happy with where i am until im THERE, wherever my happy body image is. god. i just cant help but feel like i might never be satisfied with myself. body, mind, personality, actions, whatever. im always so hard on myself. i just feel like i come short in every area. bleh.

i dont know, must keep going. somewhere. cant stay here, lol...