im not going to lie, ive had a pretty good week. i mean before i really got into it this week, i was having a tough time dealing with returning to college, even though its my third year. i guess my insecurities are seriously beginning to catch up with me. coupled with the fact that i really have no good friends up here and i really dont intend to go out of my way to make any, its been pretty hopeless. i dont know. maybe i am doing something wrong.
but that is besides the point,
this week i kind of got really into it and threw myself into survival mode- ie: just dealing with burnningggg (caloriessz) and doing some homework assignments that were due. i kind of lost that hopeless feeling for a few days. i guess it returned today.
i dont know, ive had a history of thyroid related issues. when i was 15 or 16 (? i have a pretty bad memory of exactly when it was but i think early high school) i was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. i got treated and went on a diet and it all worked for a while. but ive had food issues all my life , ever since i can remember, and back then i couldnt conquer it for whatever reason. i gained the weight back, and then some, and we kind of dropped the ball on the whole thyroid thing.
well its 5 years later and ive gained alottttt of weight and then lost alottttt within the past two years. from my heaviest, im down approx. 65 lbs, give or take. so i did accomplish something. however, it took a while and a drastic lifestyle change. naturally. im not saying it wasnt a struggle, and im not saying that it wasnt enough. it was alot. it is alot.
i guess now i just am back to a place of hopelessness, i feel like im lost. despite losing a massive amount of weight, i still have a long way to go to normal and i want/need to get there. its my life. but i feel like ive hit a dead end. my excersize and diet are in full gear. i excersize twice a day, usually burning 1000+ calories a day. i only eat 1200-1400 calories a day. yet i am losing only 1.5/2 lbs a week. i know that this is a healthy weight loss, but considering the lengths to whcih i have to go to just accomplish a 1.5 lb weekly weight loss, something seems wrong. i think i need to pick up the ball that was dropped on my thyroid issues. i cant wait any longer, its obviously not going to get any easier. this is important to me.
i guess thats all for now. its realllly late. or early. whichever. :)
today wasnt' the greatest, tomorrow will be better. it's in my hands .
but that is besides the point,
this week i kind of got really into it and threw myself into survival mode- ie: just dealing with burnningggg (caloriessz) and doing some homework assignments that were due. i kind of lost that hopeless feeling for a few days. i guess it returned today.
i dont know, ive had a history of thyroid related issues. when i was 15 or 16 (? i have a pretty bad memory of exactly when it was but i think early high school) i was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. i got treated and went on a diet and it all worked for a while. but ive had food issues all my life , ever since i can remember, and back then i couldnt conquer it for whatever reason. i gained the weight back, and then some, and we kind of dropped the ball on the whole thyroid thing.
well its 5 years later and ive gained alottttt of weight and then lost alottttt within the past two years. from my heaviest, im down approx. 65 lbs, give or take. so i did accomplish something. however, it took a while and a drastic lifestyle change. naturally. im not saying it wasnt a struggle, and im not saying that it wasnt enough. it was alot. it is alot.
i guess now i just am back to a place of hopelessness, i feel like im lost. despite losing a massive amount of weight, i still have a long way to go to normal and i want/need to get there. its my life. but i feel like ive hit a dead end. my excersize and diet are in full gear. i excersize twice a day, usually burning 1000+ calories a day. i only eat 1200-1400 calories a day. yet i am losing only 1.5/2 lbs a week. i know that this is a healthy weight loss, but considering the lengths to whcih i have to go to just accomplish a 1.5 lb weekly weight loss, something seems wrong. i think i need to pick up the ball that was dropped on my thyroid issues. i cant wait any longer, its obviously not going to get any easier. this is important to me.
i guess thats all for now. its realllly late. or early. whichever. :)
today wasnt' the greatest, tomorrow will be better. it's in my hands .
1 comment:
I know you just eluded to the fact that you are having some trouble making friends at school and are feeling discouraged about it. I hope you will consider building some time into your day for fun. I sometimes struggle socially, as well, and I find that if I am stressed out and don't build that time in, I retain more weight. Just something to think about. I'm rooting for you!
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